Confidence

One thing I'm learning through all of this is to just follow the Lord. I've gone from being so sure that I understood what various prophetic words, dreams, and even the commissioning exhortations meant, to only being sure of one thing, and that is, “I must follow the presence and peace of the Lord.”

I look back through my journals, e-mails, and web-logs and I sounded so sure and confident two years ago. I thought I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Now I'm just sure of one thing. I know HE is faithful. I know to follow the direction HE is giving me. I'm trying to stop jumping ahead of HIM and assuming I know what HIS directions will lead up to.

I can go all the way back to the first dream the Lord ever gave me about Harrisburg and it was about me being inside of a gigantic prison/ maze. The people inside of the prison were not even looking to get out. They were partying and having a good time. As soon as I realized that it was a prison, I started looking for the way out. The very moment I started looking for the way out, a very evil, sinister presence was immediately aware and on alert. It knew that someone wanted to get out. I walked around in the maze trying to find the way out (without looking like I was trying to get out), but there were only dead ends. I looked up and I saw an opening in the ceiling of this massive place, which was bigger than a sporting event arena. The only way I could get out was to climb up along the prison bars of the thousands of cells inside this place. Slowly and carefully I climbed up and out of the place and even that climb was tricky and treacherous because I had to do it without drawing attention to myself.

Once I got out, I looked back and I recalled, by memory, the path or trek I had taken along the bars to get out. I knew I could tell or even show others how to get out.

Today I realize that I assumed a lot about what that dream meant. I also realized that I never asked the Lord, just who I should go after, if I attempted to go back in and show others the way. Now I know you have to find those who are ready and willing to get out. Only God can orchestrate that. Many have come across our path, but very few have been willing and ready to get out of their prison. Maybe the purpose of that dream was to show us what things would be like for us in Harrisburg. I took it mean it was our mission, purpose and assignment, rather than a word of knowledge and a word of wisdom for a season and place we would one day experience.

Then there’s the powerful dream that GOD gave me regarding rescuing HIS church from a prison/ tower of religion. In that dream, there was a one-year season of preparation before being released into that assignment. I think I’m in that season of preparation right now.

Again, I assumed many things about that dream and our purpose for being in Harrisburg, PA. It looks like GOD was identifying the place where HE would train us for that assignment to rescue HIS church. HE was not identifying the place or region from which we would operate in that mission. Even in that dream, it involved coming to grips with issues concerning Carol and her family. We are in the midst of that right now.

I know my last few entries have sounded pretty shaky and unsure, but they really aren’t. I’m just keeping an accurate journal of the true nature of our journey. I thought GOD meant one thing, but the journey with HIM has brought me to a completely different understanding. It has also taught me some very important lessons about interpretation of the commands of the Lord. Pastor Ray was always cautioning us to stop and get the understanding of what GOD meant by what HE said and to not go running with just what HE said. I used to get “A’s” in this when I was an associate pastor. It’s been “D’s” and “F’s” since we’ve been here. I’m so grateful we serve the GOD of a second chance; third and fourth chances, sometimes.

I think the Lord has used all of this to shake me from putting my confidence in anything or anyone, but HIM.