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| Carol L. Green |
Best Practice Principles from Dr. Chris Thurman's Book: The Lies We Believe
In our last Listen, Lift, Launch letter we talked about pressing past the lies regarding perfectionism.
In our continued pursuit to provide tools for people who are trying to rebuild their lives, this week we are going to take the time to expose the lie that is embedded in the thought that we must have everyone’s love and approval.
This thought is connected to a desire to please people. It can cause us to change how we respond to people in any given situation. We will behave in one manner with a certain person or group and then change our behavior to fit in with another person or group. This people-pleasing behavior causes us to put our well being in the hands of others.
This lie also gives power to those with whom we live, work and socialize, who thrive on people pleasers. These are people who easily manipulate people pleasers to gain power over them. They will gladly exercise that power over them.
For people who have a drive to please others, they can open themselves to abuse. They can eventually become resentful because, after all of their efforts, they still can't please everyone.
This can lead to their becoming some pretty bitter human beings.
When I was in junior high school, I walked to and from school with a particular group of girls, but one of them simply did not like me for no reason that I could perceive. She would make fun of me on the way to school and on the way home. The things she said were hurtful. It also hurt that no one else in the group would defend me.
At first, I tried to ignore her because it didn’t make any sense to me, since I’d done nothing to her. I tried to make her like me by buying candy to share with her, but she wouldn’t accept it.
I was in a no-win situation. There was nothing I could do to make her accept me, and the other girl's lack of response showed that I wasn't really accepted by them either. I finally had to find another group of girls.
I learned, at that time and in the following years, that there is always going to be someone who chooses not to accept or approve of me, no matter what I do. We must have the courage to be ourselves and recognize that when someone does not accept us, that it’s their issue and not ours. The disapproval of people is not a problem that we can fix by trying to change ourselves to fit their expectations. It's the other person’s responsibility to take the time to find out who we are, in order to make an informed decision about us.
Of course it’s easier said than done, but having the approval of people, who choose to reject us, isn’t worth becoming divided within your own self and living life without integrity.
Integrity is defined as doing the right thing in a reliable way; to be complete or undivided.
One of the traits most of us like about people of integrity is that they are “real”. In any given situation they never change their personality and can be relied upon to say and live out what they really feel or think.
Noted psychologist and author, Dr. Chris Thurman said in his book, The Lies We Believe,
“What does it profit to gain the whole world’s approval and lose our own souls?”
There is a saying, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
Galatians 1:10 says, “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men, for if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”
In other words, whoever you seek to please, you tend to focus on them. Therefore you will be controlled by them. Do you want to be under the controlling influence of a loving God or by the whims of certain people who's approval we desire? A big part of your growth and success in life will be the ability to press past people pleasing.
Colossians 3:23-24 says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."
We Listen, We Lift, We Launch,
Carol Green
In our last Listen, Lift, Launch letter we talked about pressing past the lies regarding perfectionism.
In our continued pursuit to provide tools for people who are trying to rebuild their lives, this week we are going to take the time to expose the lie that is embedded in the thought that we must have everyone’s love and approval.
This thought is connected to a desire to please people. It can cause us to change how we respond to people in any given situation. We will behave in one manner with a certain person or group and then change our behavior to fit in with another person or group. This people-pleasing behavior causes us to put our well being in the hands of others.
This lie also gives power to those with whom we live, work and socialize, who thrive on people pleasers. These are people who easily manipulate people pleasers to gain power over them. They will gladly exercise that power over them.
For people who have a drive to please others, they can open themselves to abuse. They can eventually become resentful because, after all of their efforts, they still can't please everyone.
This can lead to their becoming some pretty bitter human beings.
When I was in junior high school, I walked to and from school with a particular group of girls, but one of them simply did not like me for no reason that I could perceive. She would make fun of me on the way to school and on the way home. The things she said were hurtful. It also hurt that no one else in the group would defend me.
At first, I tried to ignore her because it didn’t make any sense to me, since I’d done nothing to her. I tried to make her like me by buying candy to share with her, but she wouldn’t accept it.
I was in a no-win situation. There was nothing I could do to make her accept me, and the other girl's lack of response showed that I wasn't really accepted by them either. I finally had to find another group of girls.
I learned, at that time and in the following years, that there is always going to be someone who chooses not to accept or approve of me, no matter what I do. We must have the courage to be ourselves and recognize that when someone does not accept us, that it’s their issue and not ours. The disapproval of people is not a problem that we can fix by trying to change ourselves to fit their expectations. It's the other person’s responsibility to take the time to find out who we are, in order to make an informed decision about us.
Of course it’s easier said than done, but having the approval of people, who choose to reject us, isn’t worth becoming divided within your own self and living life without integrity.
Integrity is defined as doing the right thing in a reliable way; to be complete or undivided.
One of the traits most of us like about people of integrity is that they are “real”. In any given situation they never change their personality and can be relied upon to say and live out what they really feel or think.
Noted psychologist and author, Dr. Chris Thurman said in his book, The Lies We Believe,
“What does it profit to gain the whole world’s approval and lose our own souls?”
There is a saying, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
Galatians 1:10 says, “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men, for if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”
In other words, whoever you seek to please, you tend to focus on them. Therefore you will be controlled by them. Do you want to be under the controlling influence of a loving God or by the whims of certain people who's approval we desire? A big part of your growth and success in life will be the ability to press past people pleasing.
Colossians 3:23-24 says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."
We Listen, We Lift, We Launch,
Carol Green
