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| Carol L. Green (D.Hon.Causa) |
Best Practice Principles from Dr. Chris Thurman's Book: The Lies We Believe
In last week's Listen, Lift, Launch Letter, we dealt with the lie that says, "It’s easier to avoid problems than to face them." In our continued pursuit, in our life coaching, to provide tools for people who are trying to rebuild their lives, this week we are going to take on the lie that says, "I can’t be happy unless things go my way." I want to title this week's discussion, Pressing Past Personal Preferences.
What is your response when your expectations don’t materialize as you think they should or WHEN you think they should? What is your response when people have an annoying habit of being late or not putting things back where they belong? How about when you plan to spend quality time with your spouse and they say something that irritates you?
There is a bumper sticker I’ve seen on cars that states “Life Happens”. The reality of life is that things don't always happen the way we prefer them to happen.
This is real life: You’re hoping to catch a perfectly-timed sequence of green traffic lights on the way to work because you’re running late, but someone pulls in front of you, driving 10 miles per hour with an attitude to match their speed; causing you to get caught at a red light.
This is real life: Your company has to lay you off because business isn’t going well.
This is real life: You wear a white outfit and somehow you spill something on it that stains it.... forever!
How many of us actually accept these things about life without it allowing it to make us cynical or resentful? How many of us really want to accept the fact that life can be and often is difficult, without it causing a conflict in our understanding about faith, God's sovereignty, and our personal reactions?
In his book, The Lies We Believe, Dr. Chris Thurman suggests that it’s not easy to keep a good attitude if you get into your car and it doesn’t start; if someone has a loud conversation at the movies; or if someone jumps ahead of you in a long line at your favorite restaurant.
The “I can’t be happy unless things go my way” lie, which is destructive in any healthy relationship, is at its worst in our marriages. The individuality of a person can be so strong that the “we” is never allowed to grow and develop. These marriages have one or both spouses pulling the other into their way of thinking and doing things; instead of learning how to blend. The individuality in these marriages often creates two people pulling in separate directions and fighting all the time over petty issues.
Dr. Thurman discloses that life has a real nasty habit of reminding us that it will not always go the way we want it to go. How will you choose to respond in light of that fact? We will become a person that no one is able to live with or we will make the best of it and handle each situation or person with the grace that God the Father gives us each day.
When people respond to us in ways that don’t meet our personal preferences and expectations, we can choose our responses, even though we don't necessarily like what they're doing. We must choose, in the moment, to face the issue within ourselves and receive the power and ability God has given to help us deal with the situation.
Remember, it isn’t simply what someone else says or does that makes you unhappy, it’s how you and I choose to respond. It isn’t simply what happens to us that makes us unhappy, it’s how you and I view it. Even when things don’t go our way, we can still keep a Godly attitude. This sounds like fantasy, especially in situations of betrayal like infidelity. But even in this, we can choose our response. We don't HAVE TO react in violence and claim, "He made me throw out his clothes!" or "She made me punch her!"
Acts 20: 22-24 reads, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
James 1:2-3 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
The proper attitude in dealing with people, as well as all of life's hardships, is to count it all joy, which is not an emotional reaction, but (according to the commentary in the Spirit-Filled Life Bible) a deliberate, intelligent appraisal of the situation from God’s perspective, viewing trials (and might I add, people's responses) as a means to moral and spiritual growth.
This commentary goes on to say that we don’t rejoice in the trials themselves, but in their possible results. Testing carries the idea of proving genuineness. Trials serve as a discipline to strip away what is false. Patience is not a passive resignation to adverse circumstances, but a positive steadfastness that bravely endures.
In order to press past my personal preferences, I must count it all joy when people and circumstances go against my expectations.
We Listen, We Lift, We Launch,
Coach Carol Green
In last week's Listen, Lift, Launch Letter, we dealt with the lie that says, "It’s easier to avoid problems than to face them." In our continued pursuit, in our life coaching, to provide tools for people who are trying to rebuild their lives, this week we are going to take on the lie that says, "I can’t be happy unless things go my way." I want to title this week's discussion, Pressing Past Personal Preferences.
What is your response when your expectations don’t materialize as you think they should or WHEN you think they should? What is your response when people have an annoying habit of being late or not putting things back where they belong? How about when you plan to spend quality time with your spouse and they say something that irritates you?
There is a bumper sticker I’ve seen on cars that states “Life Happens”. The reality of life is that things don't always happen the way we prefer them to happen.
This is real life: You’re hoping to catch a perfectly-timed sequence of green traffic lights on the way to work because you’re running late, but someone pulls in front of you, driving 10 miles per hour with an attitude to match their speed; causing you to get caught at a red light.
This is real life: Your company has to lay you off because business isn’t going well.
This is real life: You wear a white outfit and somehow you spill something on it that stains it.... forever!
How many of us actually accept these things about life without it allowing it to make us cynical or resentful? How many of us really want to accept the fact that life can be and often is difficult, without it causing a conflict in our understanding about faith, God's sovereignty, and our personal reactions?
In his book, The Lies We Believe, Dr. Chris Thurman suggests that it’s not easy to keep a good attitude if you get into your car and it doesn’t start; if someone has a loud conversation at the movies; or if someone jumps ahead of you in a long line at your favorite restaurant.
The “I can’t be happy unless things go my way” lie, which is destructive in any healthy relationship, is at its worst in our marriages. The individuality of a person can be so strong that the “we” is never allowed to grow and develop. These marriages have one or both spouses pulling the other into their way of thinking and doing things; instead of learning how to blend. The individuality in these marriages often creates two people pulling in separate directions and fighting all the time over petty issues.
Dr. Thurman discloses that life has a real nasty habit of reminding us that it will not always go the way we want it to go. How will you choose to respond in light of that fact? We will become a person that no one is able to live with or we will make the best of it and handle each situation or person with the grace that God the Father gives us each day.
When people respond to us in ways that don’t meet our personal preferences and expectations, we can choose our responses, even though we don't necessarily like what they're doing. We must choose, in the moment, to face the issue within ourselves and receive the power and ability God has given to help us deal with the situation.
Remember, it isn’t simply what someone else says or does that makes you unhappy, it’s how you and I choose to respond. It isn’t simply what happens to us that makes us unhappy, it’s how you and I view it. Even when things don’t go our way, we can still keep a Godly attitude. This sounds like fantasy, especially in situations of betrayal like infidelity. But even in this, we can choose our response. We don't HAVE TO react in violence and claim, "He made me throw out his clothes!" or "She made me punch her!"
Acts 20: 22-24 reads, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
James 1:2-3 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
The proper attitude in dealing with people, as well as all of life's hardships, is to count it all joy, which is not an emotional reaction, but (according to the commentary in the Spirit-Filled Life Bible) a deliberate, intelligent appraisal of the situation from God’s perspective, viewing trials (and might I add, people's responses) as a means to moral and spiritual growth.
This commentary goes on to say that we don’t rejoice in the trials themselves, but in their possible results. Testing carries the idea of proving genuineness. Trials serve as a discipline to strip away what is false. Patience is not a passive resignation to adverse circumstances, but a positive steadfastness that bravely endures.
In order to press past my personal preferences, I must count it all joy when people and circumstances go against my expectations.
We Listen, We Lift, We Launch,
Coach Carol Green
