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| Carol L. Green (D.Hon.Causa) |
Best Practice Principles from Dr. Chris Thurman's Book: The Lies We Believe
As most of you know, we are ministering on the front lines in Harrisburg, PA as community life coaches. God has been using this aspect of our ministry to provide practical tools for people who are trying to rebuild their lives in the midst of great devastation. Part of that recovery process involves helping them see past five categories of lies, according to Dr. Chris Thurman who wrote a book called, The Lies We Believe. The five categories are the self-lies, worldly-lies, marital-lies, distortion-lies, and religious-lies that have been received and believed by millions of people.
I have been sharing with you, some of the ways Chris and I are helping people to identify the lies that have held them back. This week, as we continue in our discussion about worldly lies, I want to discuss the lie that says, “You shouldn’t have to wait for what you want.”
In my last letter I talked about the ‘You can have it all’ lie. The ‘You don’t have to wait’ lie is a similar version of last week’s theme.
There are many who feel they don’t have to wait until they actually have the money to buy what they want. We have an entire financial system that allows us to just use plastic money.
I have noticed that in social media, we don’t spend the time researching an issue before we try to speak authoritatively about it.
If we arrive at school to pick up our children and see a teacher scolding one of them, instead of finding out what’s really happening, parents tend to go charging in to let the teacher have it, for correcting their child.
Being able to have the job you want, buy the things you want, or eat the food you like is very gratifying, especially when we can do these things without having to wait. We don’t want to take the time to think about the consequences of these quick decisions. We don’t want to think about the bills we have to pay after those impulse purchases or the calories associated with the foods we love to eat at any time of day or night. I don’t know about you, but just thinking about exercise makes me tired! The way many people live is, “Eat, drink and be merry, but don’t think about tomorrow.”
No one likes to face the reality that it takes time to accomplish the most important things in life and that we must resist the strong urges for instant gratification.
As life coaches, we are often asked for answers that would quickly solve the client’s problems. They often want instant solutions without having to endure a process of healing or restoration. Some clients, when they understand that it took a long, long time to get into their present situation and that it will also take a while to heal and correct the issue, will sometimes choose not to come back to complete the process.
Dr. Chris Thurman states in his book The Lies We Believe:
“Waiting is a lost art in our country today. Far too many consumers aren’t waiting until they actually have the money before they buy something, far too many couples aren’t waiting to give their relationship time to grow, far too many teenagers aren’t waiting until marriage to have sex, far too many people don’t wait until someone is finished speaking before they start saying their piece, and far too many drivers don’t wait to merge. It is an ‘I shouldn’t have to wait’ culture, and credit card debt, divorce, unwanted pregnancies (or unwanted children), rudeness, and highway deaths are just part of the price tag.”
In our unwillingness to wait on the things we want, we do ourselves harm and we harm others around us. A man and woman, or boy and girl can become parents, but because they don’t want the responsibility, they may abandon the child. if fact, they might choose to abort the baby before it is even born. A teenage boy or girl seduces the other person to satiate a desire without thinking about the other person. Their only concern is with fulfilling their desire with no thought about how this decision will affect the other person (pregnancy, STDs, emotional soul tie, etc.).
We can hear part of a conversation, assume we know what was being discussed, and assume we understand the positions of the people talking. We can jump into the conversation and create a huge and unnecessary argument.
In this impatient, impulsive culture, people think of themselves as being far more important than those around them. That’s certainly true when they feel they must text while driving; putting everyone around them at risk.
The truth is that the most important people and things in life are worth waiting for. In order to be more sure about the decisions we are making, we need to take the time to not only do some external research, but take the time to do some internal research.
Find out what is at the core of your impatience. We must stop and deal with this very strong urge for instant gratification and its accompanying desire for that which is forbidden. It’s a powerful drive that we’re born with. No one has to teach us this response to life. Just delay the feeding of an infant and you’ll see it. Just tell a toddler to wait and you’ll see it.
For many people, they never matured in learning how to curb or control this basic instinct. Now we live in a society that encourages everyone to give in to and indulge their cravings.
I encourage you to pay attention to your own behavior and see if you have believed and received this lie. Do you actually take time to get to know the people you choose to be in relationship with? Do you stop and reconsider the consequences before you make a purchase or respond to another person’s words and actions?
From my position as a coach, I believe we need to ask questions and receive counsel from those who have demonstrated discipline and success in this area of their lives. Talk with people who have healthy spending habits and healthy relationships. You’ll discover that they have learned to resist the lie that you don’t have to wait for what you want. They know the value of those things that are worth waiting for.
We Listen, We Lift, We Launch,
Coach Carol Green
