Waters in the Wilderness and Rivers in the Desert

Saturday night, we had a house full of young men in our basement/studio, working together on music and rap. They were all excited as they made plans to bring the new sounds to our weekly meeting. Carol and I sat down to talk with one of the young men. He attends the local community college with our son, Christopher. He said that when he walked into the house, he just suddenly felt excited. Later that
evening he said he kept hearing a word in his spirit and that word was, "Big fellowship."

He said he will invite his friends to come and be a part of this. He said he's been to homes where they tried to do this, but it was kind of boring. He felt that since we're including DVD's, video games, and music, along with some time in the word, that this would be something he'd like to attend. He stayed, long into late night hours. It was very encouraging to us. Carol looked at me and said, "So, now it begins..."

Then Sunday night, Carlette (our spiritual daughter from St. Louis) came over to our home and gave us a scripture the Lord put on her heart to pass on to us. It's Isaiah 43: 19-21. It speaks for itself:

"Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The beast of the field will honor Me, The jackals and the ostriches, Because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, To give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself; They shall declare My praise."

Praise God!

Life Group

This week, in our Life Group meeting, we were able to make our first steps in some of the new strategies that we believe the Lord has impressed upon our hearts. Thursday night we went out and bought a coffee maker, some refreshments, and a ton of supplies to sustain a weekly "coffee house" setting. We're calling it the ultimate house party.

Before we're done, we want to have music videos playing, a table game area, a video game area, our mini studio, and our meeting room all available for those that come.

We had a special visit from one of our dearest sisters and friends for many years. Kim Tolliver (pictured above) dropped in on us during our Friday night meeting. It was so wonderful to see her. We stopped the meeting to hug and greet her, and then returned to the teaching. Carol and I shared, back and forth, on some of the principles for receiving personal healing and deliverance.

Kim, who visited us last year while we were still in the building, was a wonderful breath of fresh air and encouragement. We stayed up until 2:00am talking with her as she brought us up to date on some of the happenings back in Metro Christian Worship Center in St. Louis.

What was really special was the encouragement she gave us the next morning. She began by asking us how we were doing in the corporate/ government world. We swapped stories of market place ministry and I sat there realizing how timely the Lord was being with us again by sending someone who is primarily involved in the corporate world to come and speak these words of life to us. She told us that we were having a bigger impact than we realized and to just give it some time because we would eventually begin to see some change around us. And even if we didn't see it, the people who we are around everyday can no longer hold on to their sterotypes about black men, black women, pastors, Christians, etc.

Kim has no idea how timely her words were for us. Once again, in a moment in which we truly felt like quitting, God sent someone along just to let us know that He is moving on our behalf, even when we can't see it.

We're still facing some very tough financial decision like should we sale the house and move to another part of the city. The house would be perfect for the ministry that we are launching in it now, but our personal income cannot sustain it since our mortage payment leaped due to a big mortage rate increase. Another rate increase is due in about 3 months and there is just no way to keep this up. At least no way in the natural.

That's where I begin to question myself. Was the pursuit and purchase of this house just more of my blind selfish ambition and pride from two years ago? Once again, Lord, I will own up to my mistake. Just help me get my family out of this if this is not your will. I don't want to be in a house in which WE are just making it work for your purpose. We want to be in the purpose of God.

Sustained by God in the Wilderness

One of my co-workers (Deb S.) sent me an e-mail back in July to ask about Fruitful Life. She was asking because she was considering referring her teenager daughter to come. I told her about the battles we have had over the past 2 years and she responded with the following e-mail. It was astounding to me and brought much understanding about why we have had so much warfare and it gave me insight as to the kind of things that have been happening here and the affect it has had on the people of God. She writes:

"And yes, this IS a tough region. It is VERY tough up where I'm from too -- about an hour away -- way out in the country, as our church sometimes says "in the middle of nowhere" but we know that it is NOT the middle of nowhere, it is the middle of somewhere and we claim that it is the City of the Lord!

Our church isn't very big. There are many strongholds that our church encounters -- religion is one of the primary strongholds, and witchcraft is one as well. There are a lot of churches in our area, and a lot of people attend them, but the people that attend them do not necessarily know Jesus. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt because I attended church my whole life but didn't know what it meant to be saved until about 8 years ago. There's a lot of religion, but not a lot of relationship.

Actually, I got saved at a Methodist church that had started a contemporary service and the pastors in charge of that service were hired specifically for that service and were not Methodist pastors. They eventually went on to start their own nondenominational church and I followed them there. The rest of my family (including my daughter) got saved there also. Unfortunately, tragedy struck a couple of years later. The pastor's wife, suffering from anorexia, attempted suicide. Thank the Lord she was not successful and God prompted someone to go check on her.... in fact when she didn't answer the door this person went through the house, room to room (the pastor's personal residence -- they let themselves in) until they found her unconscious in bed with a suicide note and an empty bottle of pills next to her. They called the ambulance, her stomach was pumped, she spent a while in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. The church closed.

About a year later, she left her husband for another man and they divorced. It is extremely sad what the enemy can do. And he really does go after the pastors and the churches.... those that are on fire and making a difference for God's Kingdom... the enemy will attack in many ways, and one is to try to bring division.

But HE that is in us is greater than he that is in the world.

My family then had to find another church -- we are now attending (for maybe 3 1/2 years now I think?) Their teaching is rock solid. The pastors have been pasturing there for 25 years. The church isn't very big yet, but as we mentioned earlier, it is a HARD area. Most people in our area call us "religious fanatics" and those "Bible thumpers" and stuff like that. But GLCF is full of truth and light. And I do mean a lot of truth -- and people often don't want to hear the truth. There's also a lot of darkness around.

Honestly, I haven't gotten as involved in this church as my daughter has. I think I'm carrying some fear of getting involved or some unresolved issues over everything that happened with 'My Father's House' church. Trust issues or whatever, but I'm really trying to let the Holy Spirit work in me to resolve these things. It was a tragedy at My Father's House and I were good friends with the pastor's wife, and I still can't understand why she did what she did (I mean I can, the enemy, but I can't, because she knew better and to hear her teachings she REALLY knew better).

It has just been hard for me because it was so close to me. I was so close to these people and loved them so much and I put a lot of my trust in them. I've learned to put my trust in God and not in man, but I know God wants us to work together as well, but I tend to separate myself, and sit in the corner at my new church and all that. I know that's not what God wants but it is where I am right now.Although my daughter was very hurt also, she has recovered much better than I. Sorry I was so long winded -- Have a great rest of the afternoon and evening!"

After reading this, I know that all of you have a better idea what we are dealing with in this region. I shared this with our intercessors so they will have more understanding and compassion for church leaders and members, even for those that left us and returned to St. Louis. We all under estimated the warfare we were moving in to. Bishop Raphael Green did not under estimate it, though. He was always strongly urging us to be prayerful and watchful.

Ever since our death and burial, our resurrection has seen us slowly develop new growth and strength. One can see why we are so grateful and thankful to God. From what we have heard, many new churches, like the one my co-worker described, have shut down after a couple of years. Only the grace of GOD has sustained us through the sever blows of the enemy. Those that have come to visit us from time to time (from St. Louis) like DeVata Davis, Tiffany McCreight, Kim Tolliver and Mike & Mary McCollum, can testify that GOD has sustained us, and it is indeed a miracle!

What God Calls Clean

It occurs to me that many people have a very particular image in their mind of what revival will look like in their church or community. However, when the Lord gives them a glimpse of what it will really look like, or what it will take to see it, many reject it vehemently the same way Peter rejected the word that came to him in the vision of the unclean animals that the Lord told him to slay and eat.

Many are really struggling with those things that they have been taught all of their lives that they are never to touch or even be around. Now we have God telling us to partake of things that we have always been forbidden to consume. But it’s the very things that we call unclean, that God is calling clean.

This is a real issue because the things that God has put on our heart and the people God has put on our heart are all things that are considered unclean in this region.

Now the Lord has instructed us to go for it with the weekly coffee house party strategy. So we’re going to buy supplies and have coffee, hot chocolate and refreshments ready each week. We’ll talk and get to know people. We’ll play games and music videos. We’ll rise, slay and eat what has always been considered dirty and untouchable.

Well Lord, you know the atmosphere here. We will do what you say, but if it all fails this time, we have no back up plans and no other recourse. It will definitely be time to pack it all up, sale the house and get out of here. We can’t take another round of failure. We can’t pay all of our monthly expenses even now. If it doesn’t work this time, I’m resolved to stop it all and return to St. Louis with my tail tucked between my legs. I’m willing to admit that I totally missed it. We thought it was God, but it was just our own desires and dreams gone out of control.

Don't feel like no super hero

Don't feel like no super hero (Lord, what has happened to me?)

I feel so beat up. I used to be so confrontation and direct. What happened to the man who used to wear the construction hard hat and would go into people’s lives, marching into demonic strongholds, tearing down walls, speaking into lives, casting out devils and taking no prisoners. Then two or three days later I would think, “ I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I had the nerve to say that.”

Now I’m all timid and concerned about how people are going to take what I say or do. I feel so beat up. I feel like I’ve been jumped on and mugged. I remember a dream that Sherri Moore had about me a few years ago. It was something about me leaving the church and going across the street, getting beat up by some men, and then returning to Metro all beat up and bloodied. I’ll have to send an e-mail and ask her if she can recall that dream. I forget how that unfolded. I was puzzled when she told us about it back then, but it certainly seems to apply right now. I didn’t realize, but that seems to have been a real word of knowledge for us.

In the meantime, while I’m going through this inner turmoil and questioning, Carol is really battling also. I know she feels out of shape and unattractive. She’s so beautiful, but I cannot make her see what I see and feel what I feel toward her. When we were assistants, it was much easier to show and tell. Now, with this new level of battle, it seems like sometimes she cannot see or hear me. I realize, she’s under the same attack that the spouses of pastors are enduring all over this region. I think of the pastor's wife that Deb told me about who was fighting anorexia and emotional problems and eventually left her husband (the pastor) for another man. I'm not afraid that she'll do that. it's just that I can see the intense war against her mind and emotions.

The battle is on and I’m fasting everyday until I see breakthrough. I hate this wilderness, but we do not want to have to stay and wander around in it because of unbelief.