Philippians 4: 11-13 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This profound scripture has come to reality in my life. God has driven, beaten, squeezed and crushed a whole lot of pride, selfish ambition, and even those hidden faults of 'people pleasing', out of my soul. It’s been a difficult process, but I thank God that I can honestly say what Paul said to the Philippian church family.
The first weekend of 2008, I was directed to fast on my own behalf. The second weekend I was directed to fast for my wife and children. During the second fast, the Lord brought this word to my heart and has opened a new understanding about it.
I appreciate so much more what HE has given me. I have all that a man could ever want in this life. I have a beautiful and devoted wife. I have three sons who make a father so proud that there aren’t enough words to express how I feel. They are young men, in preparation to take the baton that was handed to me so many years ago. It took a long time for me to actually realize what I had been given. I got off track for a long time. After moving to Pennsylvania, I was given another chance to genuinely be with my sons and prepare them for life after high school. Now they can face the world with the purpose of God branded on their hearts and minds.
After three years in this wilderness and testing ground called Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, I’ve been brought to a place of contentment. I’m not complacent or stagnant. That’s not what contentment means. I think I understand what the apostle, Paul, was communicating.
I’m not searching for fame and glory. I’m not looking for wealth through money or recognition. I am really content with my life and ministry. Many years ago I wrote a song called Nobody Will Know. After living here, I need to rewrite the verses, but the chorus and bridge would remain the same:
This profound scripture has come to reality in my life. God has driven, beaten, squeezed and crushed a whole lot of pride, selfish ambition, and even those hidden faults of 'people pleasing', out of my soul. It’s been a difficult process, but I thank God that I can honestly say what Paul said to the Philippian church family.
The first weekend of 2008, I was directed to fast on my own behalf. The second weekend I was directed to fast for my wife and children. During the second fast, the Lord brought this word to my heart and has opened a new understanding about it.
I appreciate so much more what HE has given me. I have all that a man could ever want in this life. I have a beautiful and devoted wife. I have three sons who make a father so proud that there aren’t enough words to express how I feel. They are young men, in preparation to take the baton that was handed to me so many years ago. It took a long time for me to actually realize what I had been given. I got off track for a long time. After moving to Pennsylvania, I was given another chance to genuinely be with my sons and prepare them for life after high school. Now they can face the world with the purpose of God branded on their hearts and minds.
After three years in this wilderness and testing ground called Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, I’ve been brought to a place of contentment. I’m not complacent or stagnant. That’s not what contentment means. I think I understand what the apostle, Paul, was communicating.
I’m not searching for fame and glory. I’m not looking for wealth through money or recognition. I am really content with my life and ministry. Many years ago I wrote a song called Nobody Will Know. After living here, I need to rewrite the verses, but the chorus and bridge would remain the same:
NOBODY WILL KNOW BUT GOD WON'T FORGET IT
THOSE THINGS DONE IN SECRET NO FAME OR ACCLAIM
NOBODY WILL KNOW, BUT YOU WON’T REGRET IT
HE'S KEEPING A RECORD OF WHAT'S DONE IN HIS NAME
WHEN YOU CONSIDER THE WORTH OF YOUR LIFE
AND THE CALLING WE HAVE IN CHRIST
IT CAN'T BE MEASURED BY TREASURE OR CROWDS
WHO APPLAUD YOUR NAME WITH GREAT SHOUTS
THE SPOTLIGHT IS IN OUR HOME; LIVE CHRIST IN REALITY
THE STAGE IS AT OUR BEDSIDE WHERE GOD REVEALS HIS GLORY
NOBODY WILL KNOW BUT GOD WON'T FORGET IT
THOSE THINGS DONE IN SECRET NO FAME OR ACCLAIM
NOBODY WILL KNOW, BUT YOU WON’T REGRET IT
HE'S KEEPING A RECORD OF WHAT'S DONE IN HIS NAME
When I consider these words, I realize that I’m the most blessed man in America. I don’t have a big business and I don’t need it to make me content. I don’t have a big church. I don’t need it to make me content. I don’t need to push and drive my family (and those around me) to fulfill some inner quest and dream.
When I think about it, I realize that I just wanted to be a husband and father. I always wanted to be a writer. I later came to receive the calling to be a producer. Then came a calling to be a pastor. Like most young men, I thought the callings might bring the resources and support needed to take care of a wife and children.
However, the Lord turned it all around. I now live and work in the marketplace and my role as a pastor and producer is being fulfilled in that arena. I’m in my career and doing the things I thought I would never be able to do. After dropping out of college, I never knew I would still end up in the place God wanted me to be.
For the first time, we’ve been able to be a regular family. Carol and I go to work and we come home. Our children get to see, talk to and play with their parents on nights and weekends. We are with our sons and we are together. The time we have spent has been the most meaningful experience of our lives.
I gave a lot of my life and time to other people’s children and I almost lost my own. I'm not resentful of that. It was just a reality. I still love doing that, even today. But I was tired of the pearls being thrown... (well you know the scripture).
Most of them appreciated what we did, but we lost a lot on those who didn't appreciate it. So, God sent us to Pennsylvania so we could capture what we would have lost. There is no way we would have the testimony we have, right now, if we had stayed in St. Louis.
However, we thought our move to Pennsylvania was to establish a church called Fruitful Life, but we now understand that we were sent to Harrisburg to discover a Fruitful Life for ourselves and then impart that Fruitful Life to anyone that was willing to partake of it for themselves.
We didn’t need a church building to do that. We didn’t need a praise team or staff to do that. Yet, God let me go through the painful process to discover that truth for myself.
Now, all Carol and I truly desire is just to see our children (natural and spiritual) go forth with the purpose of God for their lives. I don’t need a ministry to fulfill me. I don’t need applause to validate me.
All I ever wanted to be was just a good husband and a good father. When my wife looks at me and there is no fear or insecurity in her eyes, I am content. When my sons call me ‘dad’ and tag me because I’m “it”, I am content.
